The Power of Fantasy

I’ve been paying attention to how often I fantasize. I seem to use this as a coping mechanism when I am nervous and trying to work things out.

  • When I regret a choice, I tend to fantasize about alternate endings and possible futures where the choice is modified or annulled (same as a missed opportunity). For a while, I regretted all the while drinking my morning coffee all the way through. I would just spend an hour regretting everything I hadn’t done, that I didn’t say, that I didn’t want to do. Not a very good way to live your life.
  • Sometimes I “hear a voice” about the reality of a situation. This is somewhat complicated to explain, so I’ll just say I can use my imagination as a kind-of forerunner, like maybe useless magic or premonition.
  • I imagine so much that I take the “magic” out of a moment, ruining my own joy. I can imagine the trajectory of entire relationships. If it doesn’t end well in my head, there is no hope.
  • I Imagine that everything turns out all right and I am the hero. When I was younger, I would imagine myself acting in some heroic fashion; now I imagine I have Super Powers, mostly because I am too tired to leave my chair.
  • Imagination is not my only expression of anger and resentment, thankfully. I try really hard to address issues, even if things have blown over, have been forgotten, or have changed. Sometimes even years later. I know many people use imagination for retribution and flagellation, and for those moments that stick with you, a few words can reset the moment and put another back at ease, allowing them to move on. Maybe just allowing me to move on.
  • Fantasy is a large part of my mental time when things are going fairly well. I use my imagination to create Hollywood stories in my head, but I have noticed over the years my thoughts are less positive and more violent.

I think my personal mood has changed, and I am more prone to despair than optimism, but, on the other hand, I seem more able to express a darker, drier sense of humor about my life and my prospects.

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